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This is a story me an my friend are working on. Please comment. We need comments. Here's what we have so far. I am Lisa, my friend is Chris and tskunne

CHRIS
"Where am I?" I said to myself as my rental car suddenly stopped. I was in the middle of San Fran in the pouring rain. My name is Chris you see and I am 16 and on my way to my step-dads house for the weekend and I didn't know the area, being an LA kid. "Well it looks like I need to get out and get a ride." My step-dad lived somewhere around here. "I wonder if any cars will go by, but knowing my luck that won't even happen." I told myself and started walking down the street even though it was really cold and I couldn't even see the map, let alone feel my hands. I just walked forward though, ignoring the blazing street lights. I needed to get there within an hour otherwise I will be so dead and my step-dad would have me grounded.  It felt like even though I was moving forward, I was farther and farther away from my destination, that cold feeling running up my spine. Then I saw lights, a car started to go slower until it made a stop. 

"Are you lost?" The girl inside the ford asked. She was pretty in a way, brunette, alluring green eyes and pointed teeth, which was strange.

"Very." I replied, the rain dripping off my dodgers hat.

"Hop in." The girl said and I got into the car. It felt warm and comforting, yet dangerous to my health as well.

"I'm Lisa, but I won't be able to take you to where you need to go until I pick up my friends. If you have any objection just walk out of the car now and pray another car comes by." She said with some sweetness in her voice. But it wasnt just sweetness, it had a ring of depression.

"Its fine at least your kind enough to give me a ride." I said and she started the car again and we moved forward. This time I felt safer and yet at the same time scared of what might happen next. I watched as Lisa turned on the radio to heavy rock song.. I hated heavy rock.

"Like I said any objections just get out of the car." Lisa said calmly as if she read my mind. I didn't move, I just tried to not pay attention, but the way she knew was starting to creep me out.
"We'll be there in a few minutes okay?" She said over the loud music, if you could even call it that. I seriously hated this music.

"Why don't you tell me more about yourself?" I asked trying to make conversation, after all she seemed interesting.

"No." She snapped at me. "I mean no. I just think of you as a passanger so just please stay quiet for the rest of the ride. We're almost there." It was like she was a different person.  We kept driving in complete silence and then she turned into the parkin lot of an abandoned warehouse and turned off the car suddenly. I raised an eyebrow at her and she suddenly said. "Get out!" and I did as she said. 

LISA
I watched as he got out as I shut and locked the doors. You see my name was Lisa McIntall, and I wasn't human at all. I am 16, and a succubus. I know I know, your going to laugh at me but it's true, very true. I started up the car again and drove a block down the street. Then I left the car on the curb as I ran into a dark warehouse, a supposedly haunted warehouse on the edge of San Francisco. I looked back for a moment and saw the guy running after me so I entered the cluttered warehouse and hid behind a box with a great swiftness. I crouched there and heard footsteps echoing around the warehouse. Then an eerie light came out, a dim green light which made everything seem alienish inside the place. I stood to see what was going on when I heard a scream. I ran to the scream and suddenly stopped in my tracks when I saw a young girl of about 10 stabbing the guy brutally.. The strange thing was, I could see through her and suddenly from behind me I heard an eerie sound, a whistle...THE whistle. So I ran and ran right into the same guy to create a total anime moment as I landed on top of him.

"hi" I said sheepishly as I was probably blushing red in the face. Thank god he didn't notice my wings which were kept down at the moment on my back. "what are you doing here?" I asked in a hiss as all the doors and windows slammed shut, making it pitch black, and creepy.

CHRIS
"I-I- I was following you." I said. I didn't know what was going on. I was so confused. First this chick says she was picking up her friends, then ditches me and goes a block down the street. Then the next thing I know I'm being stabbed by some little girl. 

"You shouldn't have followed me! Now were both in danger!" She screamed at me, she was still over me as well making a total anime moment now. 

"What are you talking about? And why did that girl stab me? And can you please get off of me?" I said. I was still very confused, and in pain.

"Oh sorry." She said and got off of me then began to help me get up but the pain was still there. I was bleeding really bad and I knew that pretty soon I won't be able to control myself any longer. "Come on!" Lisa yelled and grabbed my arm and pulled me behind some boxes marked 'TNT'. It was then I realized the demented girl was back and even more mad then before. 

"Elizabeth you won't be able to hide from me for very long! Then I'll kill you and your little friend too!" The girl screamed and laughed like she was the devil. I watched as more blood started to come out of the wound and I knew it was only a couple more minutes that I could control myself. 

"I need to stop the bleeding and fast." I whispered to Lisa who for some reason looked as if she was hiding something. There was guilt in her eyes, and that look that made me want to die.

"Shhhhh! Do you want to die! This time I won't save your a**!" She told me in a sharp whisper as she peaked around the boxes.

"Please you don't want to know what will happen if I don't stop the bleeding." I was loosing control and he was coming out. 

"Shut the hell up!" She hissed at me as she opened one of the boxes. Then I started screaming and couldn't stop and I knew that he was now taking over. 

"What the hell is going on!" She screamed suddenly as my appearance changed to a demon.

"Get away from meeeee!!!" I screamed at her, but then he took over and it was the last thing I could do. She didn't leave though, that stubborn idiot and now I knew she was in danger.

"Hello stupid succubus. You should've left when you had the chance. Now your dead."  My demon side said to lisa. That was the last thing I remember before  tskunne, my demon half took over.

LISA
I yelped and ran through the warehouse, the demon thing after me as he slashed at everything, trying to kill me. I saw the girl as well, a bloody knife in her hands as she chased after me from a different direction. I tried to tip over a barrel when a man stepped in front of me and sent a roundhouse kick to my stomach. It hurt and I stumbled back, hitting my head as Chris....well demon Chris pounced on my chest and was about to slice my neck open and kill me when the man slashed at him, cutting a nice wound into the demons back. Chris yelped and turned, forgetting about me as he ran after the fleeing man and cornered him. They fought and I watched on as slash after slash persisted. Then the demon managed to slash the guys eyes out, blood began dripping from the wound, causing me to want to puke.. But the man kept on fighting, slashing and cutting the demon across the chest. I watched in horror as chris bled, but fought on like a demon...well he was a demon and slashed the mans throat wide open, cutting his vocal cords so there was no scream and causing blood to pour at a fast rate down the front of the guys jacket, onto the floor where a puddle began to form. I stood shakily as Chris and the man kept fighting, until Chris slashed the guys stomach, clean through the skin and muscle as his insides tumbled out, liver, stomach, intestines....along with a massive amount of blood. It was then i puked onto the floor and i still felt nauseous. The man fell to his knees, blood gurgling in his throat as he died a slow, painful death. I watched as Chris knelt and picked up the mans arm and was about to bite down on it when I charged blindly, tackling him to the ground and causing a slight anime moment, but it didn't matter when he pinned me to the ground with his legs and began to slice at me, my stomach, my chest, and basically anything he could. I felt myself losing, dying when suddenly he stopped and I closed my eyes, blacking out, not noticing the little ghastly girl standing behind my head with a gun.    

TSKUNNE
"Don't move!" The little girl said menacing as she cocked the pistol.

"A gun huh? That's no match for my power." I laughed. This little girl is so stupid and once she's dead I'll kill that baka lisa. I thought to myself. I started to get up, but then the girl loaded the aimed the gun at my head.
 
"I said don't move!" She said as I stood up straight. 
"Baka." I whispered to her. "You are such a baka. I'll kill u just like I killed your little friend over there." I said and smiled evilly.

"I'll murder you!" She screamed and began to pull the trigger.

"Try you'll fail!" I replied then pounced on her. She was knocked down, but a shot managed to go off and embedded the lead bullet in the wall, and I was knocked to the ground. I was holding her down, however and kept the gun away from her. 

"Help!" The little girl screamed as she squirmed and tried to get away from me. But I loved watching her squirm even if there was nothing she could do.

"There's no one to help you now!" I hissed in her face cruelly and leaned closer to slash her to shreds.

"Please don't kill me! I'm just a little girl!" She was squirming harder and harder, and it was getting a bit difficult to keep her pinned.

"Please don't kill me!" I mocked. "That's so pathetic. I can't believe you almost killed chris." I said calmly as it was pathetic. Then I got annoyed so I lifted her over my head by the neck and started to choke her. 

"P-p-p-please d-don't." She protested as she clawed a my hand to release her.

"Shut the hell up!" I replied and smiled evilly. Then I raised my other hand and clawed at her face roughly, making her scream. "Your so annoying!" I told her and began to squeeze her neck, piercing her young skin.

I think this is gory. And scary. And creepy. And awesome! I can't wait till you write the next part!

Oooooohh... Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.

She bled and bled and I bent down and started to drink the blood. It tasted good, almost like O negative.
I kept drinking and drinking until I heard something.

"Just stop!" Lisa said as she awoke. "Just stop already chris!" She said and slapped me. I stopped drinking the blood and looked up at her. 

"My name is Tskunne! Not chris!" I yelled and pounced, knocking her to the ground. Then I clawed at her, her crimson blood coming out of every wound.
 
"Chris please. Please come back chris!" She yelled in pain, but I slashed harder. Then she started screaming and I couldn't think anymore and realized that chris was coming out again. 

LISA
I screamed in pain as I was slashed and slashed. It hurt a lot and I couldn't think straight as my wings came through the slashed and bloody remains of my shirt. I started to cry like a child as he attacked me brutally when all of a sudden his attacks stopped and I looked at him to see he was Chris again, the normal old Chris. But I wasn't sure and I didn't want to take any chances. "are you Chris?" I asked and he nodded with a pained expression. I sat up, watching as my body healed itself at an alarmingly fast rate. "Chris.....you.....he.......your a demon" I finally said and looked at him carefully. He still looked good, but he was covered in blood and other various body fluids. I grabbed his hand anyway and led him to the car, pushing him in the passenger side roughly as I jumped into the drivers side and drove him to his step-dads little house. "call me" I whispered and wrote my number on his arm. I then drove off. Who knows? He could be a boyfriend, or maybe an amazing meal. Mmm yes, a meal. I sighed and thought carefully about what had happened and snuck back to the house he was at, my shirt barely covering me, but it felt good to let my wings out

CHRIS
I laid in my bed still covered in blood. It was a good thing my step-dad was asleep, otherwise I would be dead. I was trying to think of everything that happened tonight... Let's see my car broke down but how exactly did that all happen?  I just couldn't really think straight right now.

"Your so weak if I didn't come out when I did you'd be dead by now." Tskunne said in my head. 

"You almost killed my friend." I thought back, knowing he was not going to let that go.

"She was a succubus. Of course I had to kill her but you haaaaaad to stop me." He thought with an attitude.

" I'm so mad at you rig-" I began to tell him when he cut me off 

"I smell something. Something familiar." He said. I came back to reality at that moment, he was right, there was a familiar scent.

"Thought you could kill me that easily huh? You don't know what I am." A voice said but It wasn't just any voice, it was the girls voice. 

"Your a vampire. That's why your blood is so rich. And why your still alive. Huh I guess I have to burn you now." I said. However It wasn't me though, it was Tskunne and he was taking over again. The little girl smiled and her fangs showed, all bloody and ready to tear into someone's neck.

"Took you long enough and now I'm going to drink you dry my demon friend." She said smiling and lunged for my neck.

"Chris look out!" It was Lisa again as she grabbed me and pulled me out of the way and her tail hit the girl and made her hit the wall, causing blood to splatter. We made an anime moment as we landed on the ground, Lisa above me and she was starting to blush. 

"Forgetting about me? This should be fun. Now I get to drink more blood than I thought." The girl said walking closer. Then Tskunne came out and hell broke loose.

LISA
I was about to make some retort when Chris's demon side came out and socked me in the jaw, making me fall off of him and fall to the ground. The little girl charged chris, and they began to fight it out, claws against fangs in an epic battle. I stood and rushed into the fight and saw the girl about to bite the demons neck and I swung my tail around the demon, and brought him to me. Well, my plan backfired as he pounced on me and slashed me again, slashing my wing nearly in half and I cried out in pain as my wings were my most sensitive part of my body. I watched however as the girl bit his neck and he yelled in rage, smashing his claw into the girls face, creating deep cuts straight into the muscle before returning to slash my neck. I bled like crazy, myself weakening as he simply lapped up my blood like a dog until the girl spoke with a mocking tone. "aw, look at the lovebirds" My face turned red and u watched as the demon Chris ran and grabbed her small head, smashing it against the wall until her skull broke and blood began to leak from her eyes, splattering the wall. I watched in horror as he kept banging the girls head until the skull cracked to pieces. He then turned to me and had that crazy grin that made me become frozen in fear. He ripped the girls arm off and drinked the blood from it as he walked towards me, step by step, inch by inch until he tackled me to the bed, pinned me down and began to lap up my blood again as I drew weaker and passed out cold, possibly to never wake up again...

TSKUNNE
Now that the little devil girl was dead again it was time to kill the succubus sl**. I walked towards her drinking the blood straight from the vampire girls arm. She looked scared, very scared which was what I wanted her to be. Then I lunged and pinned her to the ground. I clawed and clawed at her and the smell of her delicious blood made me claw her even more. Apparently she had enough pain and blacked out but I kept clawing and clawing, digging the wounds deeper, making them bleed more.. Then I bent down and started to drink the blood from her bleeding chest.

"Stop it already!" Chris screamed inside my head. What the hell?! I'm the one with the power he's to weak to take over his body unless I let him. I thought to myself before I stopped drinking and sat up. I felt dizzy and didn't know what was happening, then I realized. Is this how it feels wen I take him over? He's tougher than he looks. 

"I won't let u hurt my friend any longer!" I screamed accept it wasn't me, it was chris.  I saw lisas eyes open and she sat up and got away from me. I started laughing and screaming, I couldn't control myself any more.  Then I fell over and went inside my mind I had seriously underestimated the kid. 

LISA
I stayed in the corner, my body healing the cuts and slashes that decorated my body slowly and I was still in extreme pain. But I managed to speak, fighting against the searing pain. "Chris?" I asked, not sure who he was. Was he demon? Human? Or perhaps just a physco?

"I'm Chris" he said and knelt beside me "are you ok?" he asked softly, as if he really was sorry. I shook my head "no....I'm not to be honest"I said and tried to move and winced. He looked concerned and placed me on the blood splattered bed gently before leaving the room for a second. I sighed and watched as my body began to heal the cuts and soon i had no scratches on my chest, only dried blood. But, minutes after he left I sat up and looked around, hoping the little girl was gone for good, but apparently Murphy's law had to prove me wrong as she stood up in a horrific way and fired the gun.

I felt pain as a pocket of blood blossomed on my already ripped up jeans. The bullet wasn't in a fatal position, it was in an uncomfortable position and it hurt like hell. I let out a small scream and tried to get the girl but she backed up and shot, clipping my wrist and severing an artery. My eyes grew wide as I knew my body had reached the limits of healing myself for the time and I began to bleed uncontrollably.

CHRIS
I walked out of the room leaving Lisa alone. I had to get her a towel or something to help clean herself up, after all it was my, well tskunnes fault she was bloody. So I walked down the hall and to the bathroom then I grabbed a towel and put some water on it. Then I heard a gunshot. I stopped the water and walked down the hall. Half way there i heard another gunshot with a scream. I ran to my room now and i saw Lisa sitting up and I could tell she was in pain' then I looked across the room and saw the little girl. She had her gun now, the barrel smoking and she looked mad as hell.

"Let me out and I'll kill the vampire." Tskunne said in my mind.

"Hell no you'll kill Lisa as well." I said.

"I wont this time because I'll need her help and I know that you can take contol now." He said.

"fine." I said.

I heard another gunshot and watched as it almost hit me. Then thats wen he took over.

TSKUNNE
"Huh you are a baka." I said. I felt the claws come out and I knew I needed help from that baka b**** Lisa.

"Tskunne?" Lisa whispered, binding her wrist in some fabric.

"Damn right succubus sl**. I need your f****** help. So get up and f****** help me." I said with disgust She tried to get up but the girl shot again, however Lisa moved just in time. The bullet hit the wall and we both knew If she hadn't move that wouldve killed her painfully. I lunged at the girl and clawed her face, blood dripping as she dropped the gun to the wooden floor. Lisa came overquicky and scooped up the gun. Then she shouted.

"PAYBACK B****!" and shot the girl three times in the back, the shoulder, and the calf. The girl fell to the ground screaming in pain. I held her down with my hands and she squirmed again, rougher.

"Lisa hold her down!" I screamed and watched as Lisa did as she was told and held the girl down. The girl let out another scream as I clawed at her face and then at her neck, making my way down to her heart, blood everywhere now. "Any last f****** words you son of a b****?" I asked cruelly, smiling wickedly.

"Im not the son of anything." She spit out blood all throughout that sentence, then with one last blow I took off her head.

"We need to make a fire and burn her its the only way." I said to Lisa and she nodded slowly. We picked up the body, Lisa grabbing the arms, I grabbing the feet and we walked out of the room, down the hall, and outside. "Right here." I said and we put the body down. I then grabbed a lighter out of my pocket and lit it first before dropping it onto the corpse. Lisa and I watched her go into flames and then Chris took over again.

LISA
I watched as the girls body burnt on the wet grass, the disgusting smell of burning flesh in the air. I looked at Chris and felt protective of him for some reason......well the Chris half. I mean he was either possessed by a demon, or he was one, and that interested me.  I folded my bat-like wings across my back and played with my tail through my fingers as I watched the fire die down, leaving the cremated remains of the girl there to be scattered by the wind forever. I sighed and was about to leave when Chris grabbed my arm. I had half the nerve to slap his handsome face, but I resisted the urge and looked into his eyes. "what is it?" I asked, most likely sounding rude.

"I'm really sorry about earlier" he told me and I nodded. He seemed concerned, scared even as I watched the fire go out.

"I don't really have a place to stay....could I stay with you?" I asked nervously. Of course I had no idea what I was getting into, naturally. For some reason the part about him being a bloodthirsty demon, slipped my mind and I rushed into this mess, which I didn't know would be even messier in time. I watched as he nodded and I smiled, briefly hugging him and then I ran back inside, and found the guest room which I claimed as my own and I laid in the bed, drowsiness quickly overtaking me. I fell asleep, but I was unaware of tskunne watching me, plotting against me.....

I woke later that night, my cuts now healed, but I had a splitting headache. I sat up and looked around, the room was empty and the dull pale light of the moon drifted in from the cracks of the blinds. My dreams had been disturbing, and I had no thought about explaining them as I saw I was still in ripped black jeans and ripped tank top. I slowly crept out of my room and towards Chris's room. I peaked through the crack in the door and heard him yelling at the demon inside him.

CHRIS
"Why did you let that thing stay with us?!?!" Tskunne asked, referring to Lisa as the 'thing'. We were having another fight and I didn't think my mind can take it for much longer. 

"Because she needs a place to stay." I replied calmly, but Tskunne can really get on my nerves sometimes.

"God ur so f****** stupid. I'm about ready to kill you!" He shouted at me rudely.

"Stop cussing you know I hate that. And also come at me bro come at me. If I die you do to." I said, smirking a bit.

"And then I'll drag your bloody a** to hell with me." He replied, smiling.

"Just try." I whispered, coming up with a plan.

"You do know I can see what your thinking and your so stupid." He said slowly, drawing out every syllable.

"How am I stupid?" I asked, cause I didn't really know what the hell he was talking about. 

"Your stupid because you lik-" he was cut off suddenly by a feminine voice.

"Hey!" It was lisa, and she looked pretty good in ripped cloths. But then tskunne took over. 

TSKUNNE
"What the f*** do u want you son of a b****? Or would u rather be called a sl** cause that's what you succubus are" I said, smiling evilly at the brunette.

"Say what you want demon, No words will make me sad." She said, feeling confident, and I could sense it.

"Look when I said you could stay here, that was chris taking over. I said smirking, my eyes sparkling with hate. "And don't think I won't try to kill you too" I replied, I mean I hated succubus I wanted all of them dead same with vampires and werewolves. 

"Look I don't care that you tried to kill me before, but you won't even be able to attempt to kill me now. And just know that I only like chris, I hate demons." She said, rubbing her arm nervously.

"The feelings mutual then." I said. We both sorta laughed nervously when Chris took over again after that.

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